Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Fray's Next Venue Should Be My House

It was autumn 2005. The Grammy nominated rock band played a concert at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley. My eldest daughter was a volunteer student helping to organize the concert. After the concert she helped them load their equipment into their truck. A large amp fell on her, trapping her ankle beneath its tremendous weight.

The guys were nice. Hey, here's a cute young co-ed helping to load their cheesy equipment into their U-Haul and she gets hurt. Maybe crippled for life. What could they do? They didn't have health insurance or even workman's comp. They were all still living with their mommas or living in a tent at Boyd Lake and dining at 7-11.

They did what any self-respecting rock band does when a pretty young co-ed is maimed helping you load your junk into the U-Haul. They signed her leg with a Sharpie and gave her a free CD.

Well, now that my daughter has suffered through four years of hard labor, toiling as a Physics major, hobbling along on crutches while carrying her 50 pounds of textbooks through the sleet and snow of Greeley, Colorado, don't you think you owe her a little more?

Her real friends drove her to the emergency room that fateful day that will forever be burned into her memory. They held her hand as the doctors and nurses examined the x-rays and pronounced her fate. "Severely strained ligaments," they said, fighting back tears while heroically doing everything in their power to save her life. Her real friends comforted her and helped her find her cell phone after she got back to her room after the quick pit stop to Blockbusters to check out "Batman Begins" for the umpteenth time, so she could phone her poor mother and inform her of the tragic news.

Mr.'s "How to Save a Life," went on their merry way, giddily going through the rest of the year singing at venue after venue, never once phoning to see how this poor, crippled girl was doing.

Perhaps we could find it in our hearts to forgive your insensitivities and bad manners, if you would but do one teeny tiny itsy bitsy favor for me: play your next venue at my house.

I have it all planned out.

We'll set up the awning out back and cook brauts and even buy a keg. We'll invite the people we like and not invite the people we don't. You'll turn your amps up really loudly and we'll sit there drinking beer and singing along and watching the kids splash in their wading pool while the dog tries to eat it and all our neighbors will be sooooo jealous.

Let's do it on the fourth of July. I will even cook some baked beans. See you then!

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