Why I Love Jesus (and Religion Too): an Update

This is another Catholic response that really IS worth watching. From PhatMass.com and Spirit Juice Studios.

Why I Love Jesus (and Religion too)

Just in case you're one of the two people on the planet who hasn't seen Jefferson Bethke's video, "Why I Love Jesus But Hate Religion," (which, at this writing, has over 12 million hits on Youtube), then you'll want to watch his stylistically appealing but content confusing video before proceeding so you'll know what I'm talking about.


 I'd like to thank Mr. Bethke for having the courage and the zeal to make his video and put his ideas out there for the world to see and discuss. I believe he's actually doing a service to lukewarm Christians to get them to start thinking about what they do and why they do it. While I strongly disagree with his characterization of religion, I agree with his words about Jesus' saving grace and that He alone is the cause of our salvation. I think what Mr. Bethke meant to say was that empty religion is of no avail. When we do religious things merely to get the approval of others, we aren't doing it for God, therefore we can claim no merit. (Matthew 6:5). Yet, even in the case of the person who goes about doing good merely for human approval, I can see that God could cause much good to come out of it. (Romans 8:28). Others will see his good works and glorify God. (Matthew 5:16 and 1 Peter 2:12). So even though my good works might not help me, they will most certainly help others.

An Atheist Conversion Story--LOL!

The Loser Letters by Mary Eberstadt

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


With biting satire and dark humor, Mary Eberstadt puts a new twist on the C.S. Lewis classic, The Screwtape Letters. In this particular tale, A.F. (A Former) Christian writes a series of letters to the top brass in the Atheist world, e.g. Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, et al.

The "Loser" in the story is the same Person as the Enemy in Screwtape, i.e. God. Once the reader gets one's head around the fact that this story is topsy-turvy, and it's actually a compliment to be called a "loser," a "crackpot," a "Dull," "unspeakably treacherous," "dangerous," or "mortal enemy," then one begins to fully appreciate the wickedly brilliant sense of humor of Mrs. Eberstadt. And she is not afraid to name names. Besides addressing her letters to her BFFs (Best Friends Forever) in the atheist world and calling them by name: "Messrs. Dawkins, Dennett, Harris, Hitchens, Onfray, Stenger and Others" she also names some of the greatest enemies of atheism: John Paul II, G.K. Chesterton, Fulton Sheen, Elizabeth Anscombe, Mother Teresa, Kit Carson, Dorothy Sayers, Alec Guinness, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Mortimer Adler, Evelyn Waugh, Malcom Muggeridge, Graham Greene, Hilaire Belloc, T.S. Eliot, Robert P. George, Michael Novak, George Weigel, Bernard Nathanson, Antony Flew, Richard John Neuhaus, Germain Grisez, C.S. Lewis, Dinesh D'Souza, David Berlinski and the sonagram machine, to name just a few.

To give you just a taste of her rare wit, here's a sentence...yes, just one sentence, for you to ponder:

You see, if everything You guys and the rest of the Brights said is true; if we Humans really are just some tiny animate fungus on a somewhat larger rock of some kind, however statistically improbable, just orbiting one of those billions and billions of stars that Forebear Carl Sagan liked to talk about; if there really is nothing behind us and nothing ahead, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing at all; if You guys and the other Atheists are right, and all Loser's poets, builders, painters, prophets, believers, and apologists stretching back over three millennia are wrong; if no one else really is watching us, or caring about any of us at all; well then, in this whole random cosmic rave of matter and antimatter, space and time, that just dwarfs every last thing any one of us will ever be or think or do--if that's really what we're talking about here, then one little elective medical procedure, one teeny-tiny exercise of a woman's right to choose by one very insignificant human female like A.F. Christian, shouldn't matter much to anyone, anywhere, ever at all.

Brilliant, isn't it?

And on the wide-range of atheist opinions on the morality of abortion, she gives this adroit observation:

At first, I have to admit, I didn't quite get why everybody should be so North-Korean-election-lopsided about this. After all, we Atheists are supposed to be Freethinkers. We do disagree about some important things, like--well, like nothing I can think of offhand, but I'm sure there's something we don't all think alike about, somewhere. This issue isn't one of them, though.

It is a pleasure to read a book that promotes deep-thinking, yet is easy to read. The ending is satisfying, yet leaves you hungry for more. Thankfully, the author has given us a list of "enemies" from whose work we can choose.

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Engaging the Popular Culture

Christians are exhorted to be in the world but not of the world, meaning we live in the here and now among all that is "worldly," but we are called to a higher purpose, namely, spending eternity with God in heaven. How do we engage the culture that is seemingly so hell-bent on destroying everything we believe in?

Sixteen years ago, my husband and I were serendipitously invited to appear on "The Maury Povitch Show," to discuss why we were crazy enough to have five children and admit to "wanting more." We went (against the advice of a couple of priest-friends) because we wanted to do our part to engage the culture. I don't know how successful we were at convincing anyone that we weren't crazy loonies, but we were treated respectfully and graciously on the show and were never made to look stupid. We were buoyed by the presence of Ben Wattenberg on the show, who chatted with us beforehand in the "green room" and gave us an autographed copy of his book, "The Birth Dearth," signing it: "To Joe and Debbie, who are doing their part...Ben Wattenberg."

The Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist recently accepted Oprah's invitation to appear on her show. In doing so, they engaged the popular culture and very openly and pleasantly answered the talk show diva's gaped mouth questions regarding how they could possibly survive without having sex and shopping at Target. Their answers were stunningly beautiful and brilliant.

Watch the episodes here to see for yourself.

Dominican Sisters on Oprah, Part 1



Dominican Sisters on Oprah, Part 2



Dominican Sisters on Oprah, Part 3

Dominican Sisters on Oprah, Part 4

Daily Conversion

The conversion on the way to Damascus, by Caravaggio.

"Conversion means a willingness to see the truth of things and conform one's conduct to it." ~A. Sertillanges.

Today is the Feast of the Conversion of Saint Paul, Apostle.

The feast day and the above quote, which I read in today's Magnificat, got me thinking about my own conversion story and my daily conversion. It's not enough to say "I am a Christian," but as a follower of Christ, I am compelled to daily turn my thoughts and actions toward God.

Boy, do I mess up. Sometimes I feel as if I'm standing outside myself listening to (me) the angry mom telling kids to hurry up and get your shoes and coats on because we're late again and why is your room so messy and don't you kids know how hard I work to feed and clothe you and this is the thanks I get?

It can get pretty ugly. I like the above definition of conversion as the seeking of Truth and conforming one's conduct to that Truth. And the truth is that people are way more important than things or being late or having a messy house. And how often I forget that little truth.

But it gets better.

The Truth sometimes means we have to radically change our lives. Like St. Paul had to do when he got knocked of his horse by the blinding light (which indeed, left him temporarily blinded) and he heard a voice commanding him to change his life. Up until this point we can assume that Saul of Tarsus (which was his name before the Big Life Change) thought he was doing the Lord's work. He was going town to town arresting those rowdy Christians who were making life so difficult for ordinary Jews. Saul not only had to change his name and his occupation, but according to the story in Acts 9:1-22, he was was shown by God "...what he will have to suffer for [God's] name."

Human beings are unique among living creatures in that we rationalize and reason and we alone have the capacity and the need to seek the Truth. Some Christian's refer to that need for Truth as the "God-shaped vacuum inside each one of us." We try to fill it with things to satisfy that need, often ignorantly assuming we can satisfy that need, which was designed to be satisfied by God alone. We ache and long for acceptance, for wealth, for status, for friendship or for love, but God alone can satisfy that longing.

Last Friday night, my husband and I went to a kick-off meeting for a marriage group at our parish. I'm always a bit squeamish about those sorts of things to begin with, since I really like to stay inside my comfort zone and I'm naturally an introvert. We had to sit at a large table with three other couples whom we didn't know and talk to them about marriage...a rather intimate topic for strangers to discuss, I thought.

But over the course of the evening's discussions, I began to realize that successful marriages depend upon daily conversations and daily conversions of the spouses to one another and to God. Anyone who says "my marriage is great," but doesn't keep working at it will soon find him or herself in a rocky relationship.

The same must hold true with our relationship to God. If God is truly our Creator and our Love, then we must daily renew that relationship with Him and convert all of our being toward Him, who is the source of all Love.

Via Media

Via Media, or "the middle way," refers to the idea of avoiding the extreme; it is also defined as "a mean between two extremes."

Do most Americans have moderate views? Are most Americans content to be left alone to live their lives without too much government interference? I think so.

I suspect most of us would define ourselves as "moderate." I consider myself an extremely moderate person, yet I know many folks would disagree and call me a "pro-life, pro-chastity, home-birthing, breastfeeding, organic gardening Catholic homeschooling mother of ten." But I don't see these things as extreme. In fact, I see them as an extremely moderate way of living.

Here's why:

Pro-life: Justice Blackmun, writing for the majority in the 1973 Supreme Court decision, Roe vs. Wade, said: "We need not resolve the difficult question of when life begins. When those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy, and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate as to the answer."

If it is true (which I don't believe it is), that science can not determine when life begins (or agree with philosophy and theology...not that the Supreme Court really cares what philosophers and theologians have to say), then preference should be given to the possibility of life being present. For if we are truly moderate, we would say, "preserve life if it is present, and do not destroy it if there is any doubt."

Pro-chastity: Premarital and extra-marital sex have spawned a catastrophic increase in STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), a surge in unwed motherhood and increasing divorce rates. The chief criticism of chastity education is, "It doesn't work." Perhaps it is not that chastity itself "doesn't work," but that it is difficult. It is also difficult to run a marathon, yet look at the number of people who do that every year; or to lose one hundred pounds, but look at the hit show The Biggest Loser and see how we applaud folks who do that. To rephrase a G.K. Chesterton quote: "Chastity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."

Homebirth: Less invasive, more natural, fewer post-natal problems. Obviously it's not for high-risk pregnancies, but for most low-risk births, it is a cost-saving and very pleasant alternative to hospital births.

Breastfeeding: Natural, good for baby, good for mom, what's not to like? Okay, stupid comments from uninformed people; otherwise, a very "moderate" way to feed the baby.

Organic gardening: We compost most of our kitchen waste, which makes a great additive to our clay soil. For the past few years I've been trying to get away from hybrid species and plant solely heirloom varieties. It's not only fun and educational, but it helps preserve rare species which are disappearing at an alarming rate due to large-scale production farming.

Catholic: The word "catholic" means "universal" and the early Christian Church adopted this term to show the universality of the Church that was planting seeds throughout the world. We don't have suicide bombers and we try to practice the teachings of our founder, who said some pretty extreme things like "Love your neighbor as yourself." He also died for the sins of others. Okay, maybe that does make me a little on the extreme side, but I haven't perfected any of those things yet, so I can still be called "moderate."

Homeschooling: The passing down of information from one generation to the next has been the way of education since the dawn of time. We're just a little more organized these days.

Mom of ten: Maybe by today's standards that's extreme, but the real reason I have so many kids is because I need them to keep me on the straight and narrow. There's no telling what trouble I might be getting myself into if I wasn't running after them. One thing I have noticed with having ten kids is that love doesn't diminish when your family grows. Love only grows. The thing we notice when someone is gone is how quiet and empty the house feels.

Let's hear it for radical moderation! Believe to the extreme. Hope to the extreme. Love to the extreme.

Love is the ultimate via media.

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

The Philosophy of Relativism and the Catholic Way of Looking at Things

Have you ever been in a discussion with someone about something important to you...say, politics or religion or education and you find that you and your colleague are in sharp disagreement, and you really don't want to start a row, so someone says something to the effect, "You have your way of looking at things, and I have mine and that's okay" ?

That happens a lot among polite people who don't want to lose a friendship or stop speaking to a relative because they didn't vote the same way in the last election.

You can't argue with someone else's experience. But when they start using their own experience as proof that their opinions are true in all cases, you've got a problem. The problem with relativism is that each individual gets to choose their own reality based upon their own experiences. In effect, each person becomes their own little god. And when they try to ignore the conflict that arises when different people have radically different experiences, they say, "You have your truth, and I have mine."

Taken to the extreme, this idea that opposite opinions can be equally valid is one of the aspects of relativism which has taken hold of our modern culture in our effort to promote "tolerance," "empathy," and "diversity."

On second thought, some opinions are not considered by our culture to be equally valid if they infringe upon the real or supposed rights of a protected class of people. Just try sending your child to school in a t-shirt that says something like "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

Tolerance, empathy and respect for diversity are noble qualities, don't get me wrong. I want my kids to be tolerant of their annoying siblings, empathetic to the plight of the poor and respect people who don't speak English, but I don't want them to think it is good to be annoying, poor or ignorant.

Mark Shea spoke at Theology on Tap last night in Denver, and his topic was "101 Reasons NOT to be Catholic." He listed the various reasons people object to Catholic beliefs, such as: "The Catholic Church is against Choice," and "The Catholic Church says believers can lose their salvation." Or, "The Catholic Church is anti-sex," and "The Catholic Church wants people to have lots of babies." He juxtaposed these radically different claims, usually made by radically different folks, to show that perhaps the Church is really in the middle...and the observers are on the extremes.

Jesus promoted tolerance, empathy and diversity more so than any other person of his day. After all, he ate with sinners, told rich folk to give all their money to the poor and collected a motley assortment of followers to be his disciples.

The relativistic person who says, "Your beliefs are true for you and my beliefs are true for me," are really saying there can be two competing claims of "truth" that are both equally valid. They are really the ones in the extreme. But remember, no one really believes that in the important areas of life, (religion, politics and education, for example), opposing viewpoints have any merit. We're just trying to be polite.

But in those important areas of our lives, we need to assert our claim of truth. For example, those who claim that a woman has the "right to choose" abortion of her unborn child because she is the only one who really knows her situation and it is between "the woman and her god," are forgetting there is a competing "reality" in this situation, and that is the reality the unborn child experiences. If the promoters of relativism were really true to their beliefs, they would consider that others have competing claims that are equally valid and worthy of respect. The unborn child's claim to life should therefore hold equal weight to the claim of the woman for independence from the unborn child. In a span of nine months or less, the woman's claim for independence can be granted, and the child can be placed for adoption. In this incidence of competing claims for reality, it seems logical that both claims should be balanced so as to protect the rights of each to the greatest extent possible and doing the least harm to each.

The teachings of the Catholic Church, therefore, protect the rights of both parties to the greatest extent. Far from rejecting the claims of the woman for independence, the Church recognizes the reality of the unborn and fights to have the value of each person protected.

Finding God in War and Peace

A Table in the Presence: The Dramatic Account of How a U.S. Marine Battalion Experienced God's Presence Amidst the Chaos of the War in Iraq by LT. Carey H. Cash

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I read this book because it was recommended to me by a dear friend and the person who baptized me, the author's father-in-law. I saw a great deal of influence of his saintly father-in-law in these pages.

This book tells the true story of the first Marine Battalion in Iraq, and their spiritual as well as military struggle there. LT. Cash, who is currently the President's chaplain at Camp David, is a man of true Christian faith, expressed as a Baptist Navy chaplain, but open to the ideas of a liturgical and sacramental faith such as is found in the Catholic form of worship.

As a Catholic, I found it reinforced my beliefs on the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist, the benefits of confession to a priest, the healing power of sacramentals, and the intercessory power of prayer. In fact, I was astounded as I read time after time of Chaplain Cash's account of God's providence in Iraq, how closely it aligned with my Catholic faith.

For example, Chaplain Cash explained how, as a Baptist minister, he was trained to explain the scriptures in order that worshippers could apply it to their daily lives. But he found the men going into battle didn't have the time or the inclination to listen to fine sermons. They primarily desired two things: confession (with absolution) and holy communion. As a Protestant, Cash could hear confessions and advise the penitent of their saviour's forgiveness, but he couldn't offer sacramental absolution. Also, I believe Chaplain Cash understood the men's need for holy communion as something greater than words. Despite the fact that the communion wafer was merely a symbol of Christ's body, the men desired mystical union with Christ before they went off into battle.

Chaplain Cash also spoke about seeing angels protecting them and the power of intercessory prayer and how much it meant to the men to know that people back home were praying for them.

Just as his father-in-law, Chaplain Larry Ellis, told me I would, I loved it.

If President Obama and his family spend more time at Evergreen chapel at Camp David, as Time magazine suggests, Chaplain Cash may have the opportunity to share his tremendous faith with our chief executive. I know, the White House "denies" these rumors. But perhaps the Obamas will find the spiritual solace they need at Camp David.

I can't help but think that is a good thing.

View all my reviews.

An Evangelical returns to Rome

Return To Rome: Confessions of an Evangelical Catholic by Francis J. Beckwith

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
Francis J. Beckwith stunned the Protestant Evangelical world when he returned to the Catholic Church of his youth on April 29, 2007. This brief account from the former president of the Evangelical Theological Society (ETS) of why he left his prestigious post to return to the Catholic Church is a quick read, but at times extremely deep.

Francis Beckwith has a PhD from Fordham University and currently is a professor of philosophy and church-state studies at Balylor University (a Baptist school). Prior to his return to the Catholic Church he had written and co-authored many treatises on Protestant Reform theology, which he knows inside-out. He discusses the theological implications of Reform thinking with traditional Catholic understanding of issues from salvation and good works to the efficacy of the sacraments and Biblical inerrancy.

At times he seems almost too reserved in his attempt to avoid alienating any of his Protestant colleagues, but his charity and good will makes him all the more accessible to non-Catholics. He even has a blurb on the back cover of his book from the 2006 ETS president.

But I do like a good argument, so my favorite part of the book has to be the final chapter, where he explains the differences (as he sees it) between faithful Catholics and faithful Evangelicals. He even re-prints the ETS press release which they issued immediately after his resignation and his counter response to them.

Overall this is a very charitable and at the same time thoroughly engaging and readable book.

View all my reviews.

How Christianity Answers Everything

What's So Great About Christianity by Dinesh D'Souza

rating: 5 of 5 stars

My review

I had the opportunity to hear Dinesh D'Souza debate atheist Christopher Hitchens at CU Boulder this past winter (see my blog) and I heard this book mentioned.

D'Souza takes the opportunity to go into great depth into the topics that were touched upon at the debate. When I first began reading this book, I though it was just going to be a retelling of the debate I heard, but D'Souza goes into much greater detail here and without interruption and snide remarks from Hitchens.

I am about half-way through the book now and thoroughly enjoying it! I put the book on my "religion" shelf, but it could easily go under something like "philosopy of science" or "metaphysics" due to the fact that D'Souza discusses the "Big Bang" theory, Einstein's theory of relativity and Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time, among other things. He also doesn't shy away from the question of Biblical creation story vs. scientific theories of evolution, the so-called war between science and religion and other topics that have plagued Christianity in the modern age, such as Galileo and Copernicus and whether or not the Church stifled scientific progress (answer: on the contrary, the Church is the reason man made scientific advancements).

I will write a more thorough review when I'm finished.

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What makes a good husband?

The ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband: How to Find and Marry a Great Guy by Stephen Wood

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
At first glance, the cover and title of this book and its partner book, The ABCs of Choosing a Good Wife were off-putting to say the least. It seemed juvenile to think one could just apply a list to select a spouse. In fact, everyone I've known who has a "list" for a spouse, usually ends up disappointed because the "perfect" partner doesn't exist except in our imaginations.

However, once I got into this book, I found the ideas riveting and somewhat frightening. The reason they were frightening is because the author, Stephen Wood, makes sense when he speaks to young women about what qualities make a good husband. Unfortunately, many of these qualities women hope their future husbands will have, such as being self-giving, considerate, patient, affectionate, generous, honorable, humble, strong, caring, responsible and mature, are often qualities that young men today are lacking. Sometimes women will fall in love anyway and hope to "change" their husbands once they're married. The truth is marriage isn't the force to change their behaviors. In fact, marriage can sometimes exacerbate underlying character flaws such as irresponsibility, immaturity, narcissism, and selfishness.

The most frightening chapter of all is chapter 18, "Ruinous Effects of Pornography on Your Future Marriage." I recently chatted with a priest friend at a party and he told me he is concerned that so many young men today have a warped view of sexuality due to pornography that they might not be able to make and keep a sacramental marriage. The plague of pornography has become so widespread, that some experts suggest as much as 70% of all college-aged men use pornography and some of these will go on to be so addicted to it that they will prefer pornographic experiences over real women.

According to Stephen Wood: "Annual porn profits exceed the combined revenues of all the professional football, basketball, and baseball franchises." And, "Every thirty-nine minutes a new porn video is created in the United States."

As if those statistics aren't scary enough, he goes on to outline the extent to which pornography has affected Christian men. "In a 1996 survey, 53% of Promise Keepers (Christian men) admitted to viewing porn within a week of attending a PK event." And, "In a (Protestant) pastors.com survey, 54% of pastors said they viewed porn within the past 12 months."

He goes on to say the pornography crisis is even worse among Catholic men. It has affected Catholic men in all walks of life, from priests and deacons, to seminarians (even at the "good" seminaries), to youth group and campus leaders and students on orthodox Catholic college campuses to Catholic homeschooling fathers. Some estimates are that half of all the men attending your parish are ensnared by pornography. He estimates at least two-thirds of all eligible Catholic men have a problem with pornography. That's scary.

Pornography is addictive to men particularly because it causes chemical changes in the brain. Technology has shown us that when pornography is viewed, there are at least a half-dozen neuro-chemicals released into the brain which not only gives the viewer pleasure, but also permanently etches images in his memory. Like other addictions, greater extremes of pornography must be viewed in order for the brain to register the same feelings of pleasure. Ultimately, the man has become a slave to pornography and will choose the pictures or videos over being with his wife.

There are other issues that can kill a marriage, and Stephen Wood lays them all out, in ABC order, to help young women navigate the way to a happy and healthy marriage.

I highly recommend this book to parents as well as young women and men who are contemplating the vocation of marriage.

View all my reviews.

Navy mom of five leaves for Iraq today

My friend and fellow Catholic homeschooling mom, Eileen, is headed to Iraq today. Eileen is married and mother of five young children. She's in the Naval Reserves and received training from the Army before she left. You can see my previous posting about her here.

She knew this was coming down, she said. But it was still upsetting to everyone when the date was finally announced. Nevertheless, her family and friends have risen to support her and her husband and parents will continue to homeschool the children while she's away, so mom can worry less about the kids and the kids can continue life as close to normal as possible.

I asked Eileen if I could post some of her own words about the Army training she's been receiving over the past month, in preparation for her departure. Here are some excerpts:

My first week I was in Port Hueneme, CA which is right next to Oxnard. It was not incredibly busy – mostly in-processing and medical and dental and a bunch of briefs. There were interesting moments like when I got fitted for my gas mask and chem suit and got to make sure they had a good seal by doing these weird breathing and moving exercises while inside a plastic bag. There were a bunch of really nice people that I met there who all came to Ft Jackson with me, so that is nice.

Then on Saturday we all flew to South Carolina by way of Chicago during a blizzard – love that Navy planning! Eventually we did arrive here and started to get settled. A buddy from the Naval Academy is here too, so that is great. I didn’t end up getting uniforms until Tuesday – TOTALLY annoying – so I spent the first day carrying around my weapons while wearing sweats. A very hot look, let me tell you. As you can see from my photo I have been issued both a 9mm (in the thigh holster) and an M-16. Both are “go to war weapons” for me so I actually will be taking them forward and I have to qualify on both. On Tuesday I also got issued my “Battle Rattle” which is about 65 pounds of body armor, a Kevlar helmet and knee and elbow pads. VERY comfortable. We are spending lots of quality time wearing them and loving every second of it. (In case you could not tell, that is sarcasm.) My shoulders are KILLING me and I am wiped out by the end of the day.

We have been doing a lot of shooting and that has been a blast. Literally. I realized that I had actually NEVER fired an M-16 before (at the Academy we had used M-14s to qualify with rifles). It is all going really well. I grouped and zeroed in 12 rounds which is the minimum (I realize that means nothing to most of you, but my military friends will be psyched). The 9MM is going even better if possible. I got scores of 238, 238 and 239 out of 240 on the regular range. (The 239 was actually kind of cool, because the one shot that wasn't in the 5 point area was a head shot that would have been right between the eyes. Not bad for a "miss." Kind of worth only getting 4 points for it!)

At the “stress range” where we had to run between shooting positions and lay on the ground in puddles or kneel or stand while out in the pouring rain. Plus a drill sergeant is yelling numbers in your ear to tell you which targets to shoot at in which order. I got 15, 18 and 18 on each of the 3 targets out of a possible of 18 on each one. Good to know that if necessary I can put rounds on target. I still have the low-light shooting on the 9MM and a bunch of M-16 stuff to go, but I am feeling pretty good about it. The 9MM shooting has all been in battle armor and I just can’t tell you how much fun it is to run around in that stuff, lay on the ground and try to get up and not to turtle while trying to reload. Good times. Then at the end we got to police all the brass out of the puddles. In the driving rain. While wearing 65 pounds of body armor. Really. As my friend Dean said, good to know that we made the right service selection when we chose the Navy over the Army.

But really, all in all it has been a lot of fun. We spent part of one day in the HEAT trainer which was almost like an amusement park ride. It is a pretend HMMV which rolls over and you get to unbuckle your seatbelt, land on your head, figure out how to open the door and then scramble out to take a “defensive position” surrounding it. Kind of like the helo dunk tank but not in the water while blindfolded. I thought it was pretty fun and REALLY a smart thing. I hope to never have to actually use the knowledge, but it was great to know the right way to do it. Then we got to drive around in regular HMMVs splashing around in puddles. That was really fun though I can’t see ever wanting to own a HUMMER – not exactly a cushy ride. They let us sit in every position so I got to drive and also ride in the turret.

I think that I am having more fun than most folks here. Probably my Pollyanna nature. It could be MUCH, MUCH worse. The drill sergeants are pretty great. They have all actually been deployed to the places we are going and they really know what they are doing. They know we have all already done some version of the boot camp thing so they’re not messing with us, just trying to get us ready for combat. All in all, it is not bad. I keep telling everyone that lots of rich businessmen pay good money to do these sorts of things. True they are probably not policing their own brass and at the end of the day they are most likely getting a rubdown from a Swedish masseuse, but still…

Hope this finds all of you well. Sorry I am not keeping in better touch, but by the end of the day I am truly wiped out and happy to have a hot shower and crash. I’ll update when I can, but know that I am thinking of all of you and am grateful for your thoughts and prayers. They are keeping me strong.

Much love,
Eileen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email of March 19, 2009:
Hi everyone!

Sorry that I haven't written in a while. My time at Ft Jackson came to a quick end and then I headed to Ft Bragg for a day and I got home on Friday night and haven't really taken a breath since. Let me fill you in on the end of my training. I have to say it went well. Perhaps my expectations were SOOO low that anything would have been better, but I know that the point of it all was to give us the skills that we might (but hopefully won't) need to survive combat situations and come home to our families. With that end-goal in mind, how bad could it be?

The shooting just kept getting better and better. I ended up qualifying as a Sharpshooter on Rifle and an Expert on Pistol. I would have gotten expert on rifle but when the first target came up (50m, left) I had neglected to take the weapon off of safe. Once I had remedied that situation with a few choice words the target had dropped already. And that was the difference... Oh well, perhaps another time. I would love to be able to shoot it without the body armor on. Not only do I look like a Teenage Mutant Turtle (my husband's description) but the back of the vest shoves into the Kevlar helmet forcing it over my eyes. It took a lot of adjusting plus a washcloth shoved into the top to get it wear I can see while in the prone (lying down) position. One of our drill sergeants, SGT Jenkins said, "You know, ma'am, if the Navy were smart, they'd send you to sniper school. You've got a gift, ma'am." (This was said in a crazy strong Southern accent - I believe it is a requirement to be a drill sgt - and was intended to be high praise indeed.

Frankly I could see the appeal - much better to shoot someone from 1000m while perched safely on a rooftop then at 20m with my 9mm. But I digress...) They all called me "Killer Mom" and found it very amusing that in my real life I am a homeschooling mother of 5. To be fair I find it somewhat amusing also.

One of the days we also got to shoot on the Heavy Weapons Range - an M249 SAW, an M240 and a 50cal. Very very very fun. Plus, in addition to all the regular shooting at the range we did a reflexive fire course with the M16 where you pivot left 90 degrees, right 90 degrees or 180 degrees before engaging the target. Very fun.

And we also did the stress shoot for the M16. In my last email I described our M9 stress shoot which involved running around shooting at targets while in different positions in the pouring rain and wearing our body armor. This was similar but different. We were in body armor again only it was a hot sunny day so that was different. They had us sit in a HMMWV, and then jump out, run to the range, load a magazine, run to 3 different positions and then shoot at targets while in different positions (standing, squatting, kneeling and prone). And they were yelling at us the whole time. The idea was to try to simulate some of the stress of combat. It was pretty fun and you would be surprised how fast one can move while wearing all that weight. It was so much fun that my buddy Geoff actually got in line and did it a second time. That night we did the low-light shoot with the M9. Once it got to be dusk we ran back through a target shoot with the 9mm to see how that was. Again, pretty fun.

And then the last few days went even faster. We did preparations for our convoy operations, learning about IEDs and EFPs and things of that nature. Reviewed our combat first aid training. Tuesday got a lot crammed into it because the big rotator (usually scheduled for Thursday night which takes most of our crew to Kuwait) got rescheduled for Wednesday so everything got moved around. We practiced room clearing, learned about checkpoints and played with big vehicles. Plus we did a pretend convoy which of course had every possible bad thing happen to it. Good times. I got to be a vehicle commander. I had hoped to be a gunner, but so it goes. Manning the radio and bossing people around is not actually unlike my normal life. The last day was all about weapons turn in and cleaning rooms and writing after action reports.

It is great to be here spending time with the family. It is all going much too fast. Hard to believe that I have less than two weeks now until I leave for a long time. Still, with as fast as all of that passed and as fast as this time is passing I know that the year will fly by. I really don't know how much I'll be able to write once I leave Denver. I'll do the best that I can, but in the interim know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for any and all replies that you have sent. I'm sorry that it is hard to find the time to respond but they always make me smile and are much appreciated. Write as much and as often as you want. If I don't write back it is because I am CRAZY busy - not because I don't care.

Lots of love to you all,
Eileen

The Race: My Conversion Story

…Let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

My conversion story begins with my first remembrance of God, when I was about 8. But my conversion is still ongoing. I’m still running my race. I’m still struggling to live the Christian life and still hoping for the ultimate prize: eternity with Jesus in Heaven.

When I was quite young, my parents decided it was time to take me to church. I have vague memories of other young children in the Sunday School and sitting on the hard, highly polished wooden pews while my parents sang hymns and being very bored during the sermons. But I loved Sunday School and I especially loved hearing the stories about how much God loved me. I remember the grand, white church, Wellshire Presbyterian, which still stands on Colorado Boulevard in Denver, in a posh neighborhood next to a golf course. I don’t know if any of my grandparents attended church on a regular basis. Religion was not a topic in our house, but my parents taught me not to lie, cheat or steal and to be kind to others.

I loved going to Sunday school. The teacher told us we would get our own Bible if we attended for a set number of Sundays. Since I am a very goal-oriented person, I was up for the challenge. I think we had to attend for a minimum of 8 weeks in order to get a Bible. I still have my first Bible, inscribed to me on October 3, 1971, from Wellshire Presbyterian Church. I think my family stopped attending that church shortly afterwards, but the seed of faith had been planted in my heart and I started praying to Jesus, as our Sunday school teacher had taught us. She told us there was nothing we could do to separate us from the love of God and that if we confessed our sins to Him and asked Him to come and live in our hearts, He would. I followed her advice and from that moment on, my life was His.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

When I was about 10 years old, we moved from Denver to a small town in southern Colorado. Around the age of 13, I began going to church on my own. I was able to walk or ride my bike or catch a ride with friends. I chose a church that was a combined Presbyterian and Methodist church because I figured I was Presbyterian. I especially enjoyed going to the youth group meetings in the evenings where we learned more about the Bible and I heard a youth leader talk about a personal God who had a plan for my life. I remember that as an epiphany in my life. Not only was God a God who would save me from my sins, but He also cared enough for me to have a plan for my whole life!

In high school I excelled at academics and sports and I asked God fervently to show me the path He had for me. I was growing restless to leave the small town where we lived and to see the wonders of the world He made. I had a strong desire to serve my country in gratitude for the freedoms we enjoy. For these reasons, I applied to and was granted an appointment to the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland. It was about as different a place as I could imagine from the small, isolated town in a remote valley in southern Colorado.

I arrived full of hopes and dreams and a desire to know God better. After the initial summer training period, the academic year began and we had a few moments of free time. I was invited to attend a women’s Bible study sponsored by a Protestant para-church group. I accepted the invitation with eagerness. I spent that year growing in my faith by leaps and bounds. The mental, physical and academic challenges were far greater than I had ever imagined and I clung to God for dear life. He was my port in the storm.

…unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. (John 3:5)

During my second year at the academy, I did a topical Bible study on baptism. I kept reading about people who were baptized. Even Jesus was baptized. I became convinced that I needed to be baptized, so I sought out the Baptist chaplain, Capt. Larry Ellis. I figured Baptists must know something about baptism. He kindly asked my reasons for desiring baptism. My answers must have satisfied him, so we set a date for the great event; at my request, by total immersion. Since the Academy had no baptismal font large enough for an adult to be immersed, we decided to use one of the indoor swimming pools after hours. I invited about 20 close friends to come and witness my public declaration of faith. Chaplain Ellis and I both wore our white Navy uniforms, without the ribbons or shoulder boards. I wore my Navy issue swimsuit underneath. The chaplain and I stepped in the pool, and I was immersed three times while he intoned the ancient words: “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit…”

Fast forward to after graduation. I was stationed in Naples, Italy, as a communications officer for Naval activities in the Mediterranean, the Eastern Atlantic, the Red Sea and the land areas in and around them. In Naples I met a handsome young naval officer who was stationed at the submarine command. He and I met a few times and chatted, until one day he asked me out. I accepted and we soon became close friends. After only three weeks of dating, I felt strongly that this could be the guy. The only problem was, he was Catholic and I was most definitely a Bible believing Christian. Several of the people who led me in Bible studies had been Catholics who had left the Church because they believed the truth lay solely in the Bible and not with the Catholic Church. It all made perfect sense to me and I wanted to know how an otherwise intelligent and apparently God-fearing young man could believe such poppycock put out by the priests and popes of the Catholic Church and their “traditions of men.”

Joe very patiently tried to answer all my questions one by one, even when some of those questions sounded more like accusations. The smartest thing he did was when he didn’t know an answer to one of my questions, he would say, “Let’s go ask the Catholic chaplain.” As a result, we spent many hours conversing with the priest, asking questions, getting answers (and many books to read) and unbeknownst to us, beginning our marriage preparation classes. We sometimes would go to one of the Protestant Navy chaplains, just to compare answers, but somehow I ended up being more spiritually satisfied with the answers we received from the Catholic chaplain.

Since we were falling in love, Joe and I wanted to spend as much time together as possible. We were both standing watches at our separate commands, which meant long hours, often working through the night. As a result, we would try to go to church together. The base chapel had Protestant worship service followed by Catholic Mass. Joe would attend the Protestant service with me and I would stick around to attend Mass with him. People would sometimes give us funny looks as they were departing the Protestant service. “You’re not staying, are you?” their eyes would ask.

But we did stay and I was surprised to hear the same readings at the Catholic Mass that we heard at the Protestant service. I wondered why the Catholics were copying the Protestants, until Joe showed me the schedule for the cycle of readings the universal Church uses. I was mildly shocked to learn the Protestant chaplains were copying the Catholics! I never asked the Protestant chaplains, but since they shared office space with the Catholic priests, they probably saw the schedule of readings and thought, “That sounds like a pretty good idea--why reinvent the wheel?”

I began to wonder if there was anything else the Protestants might have copied from the Catholics.

I noticed more similarities between the liturgical Protestant service and the Catholic Mass. Four years of Protestant worship services at the Naval Academy with Chaplain Ellis, his daily communion service by intinction, Maundy Thursday washing of the feet, even Ash Wednesday service and Lenten meditations, helped prepare my heart for the Catholic liturgy.

The one aspect of Catholic devotional life that was most difficult for me to accept was devotion to Mary. I had been taught that God alone was sufficient for our needs and if we showed devotion to any other being it was idolatry. Of course, it never occurred to me that I had shown devotion to my own mother or other family members all my life, but this was perhaps the biggest obstacle for me in becoming Catholic.

After several months of attending dual Sunday services, I was getting tired of hearing the same readings, so I asked Joe if we could alternate Sundays; one Sunday at the Catholic Mass and one Sunday at the Protestant service. He said, “Nope.” I thought he was incredibly unbending and stubborn on this point, as he was on many others, such as not eating meat on Fridays in Lent, even if he was hungry and there was a tasty lasagne just sitting there that nobody was eating. Neither would he entertain my idea that we both just become Episcopalian, then he could further explore this idea of being a priest, which he told me he still thought of from time to time, and we could be married. He even had the temerity to laugh at that idea! Anyway, I decided he won this round and I stopped going to the Protestant service altogether because I would rather spend my Sundays with Joe. We went to Mass together every Sunday after that.

When it looked like we were seriously considering marriage and I was seriously considering becoming Catholic, I consulted my dear friend, Chaplain Ellis. He came into Naples when the aircraft carrier to which he was assigned pulled into port. I introduced him to Joe and he seemed to approve. I told him I was thinking of becoming a Catholic and he told me he thought that was a good idea. “It’s good for a husband and wife to share the same faith,” he told me. “And besides,” he said, “the Catholic Church has the Eucharist!”

Coming from the man who had the most devout communion service I’d ever attended, this meant a lot. Chaplain Ellis had daily communion services while he was senior chaplain at the Naval Academy. I didn’t go as often as I would have liked, but the few times I went, they made a big impression on me. Chaplain Ellis would explain the method of receiving communion was by intinction, the dipping of the host into the wine. It was then placed on the communicant’s tongue due to the fragility of the dipped host. And this was merely a symbol; it wasn’t even a consecrated host.

When we were engaged, I became aware of the tug at my heart by the Eucharist. I believed it was the actual Body and Blood of Christ, but I couldn’t fully comprehend the meaning of it all. The Eucharist was Jesus, but He couldn’t come to me yet. My favorite line of the Mass was, and still is, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word, and I shall be healed.”

We were married in a Catholic wedding, but since I wasn’t yet Catholic and more than half of the people attending our wedding weren’t Catholic, we had the ceremony outside the Mass. The priest celebrated a private Mass for us earlier that day, with just Joe, my mother, father, sister and me in attendance. Joe and the priest were the only Catholics there.

Finally, on our honeymoon, I realized I couldn’t live without Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. We attended a Sunday evening folk Mass in Dublin, Ireland. The church was packed and it was standing room only. We got there too late to get a seat, but the usher motioned us to sit at the altar rail. Honestly, I can’t remember if we sat or knelt the entire Mass, but I have vivid memories of the moment the priest held the Eucharist up before me while I knelt at the altar rail. I wanted to receive Jesus that very moment, but it became clear to me that I couldn’t until I decided to give Him my whole heart and mind in acceptance of all the tenants of the Catholic Church, even the ones I couldn’t yet understand. I left the Mass in tears that night. Tears for the Jesus I couldn’t yet receive, but also tears in gratitude for the graces, which had been poured out on me that evening.

Nine months later our honeymoon baby was born. She was baptized and I made my first communion and was confirmed in the Catholic Church at the same Mass. It was Sunday, January 24, 1988. Years later I discovered January 24th is the Feast of St. Francis de Sales, who converted tens of thousands of Calvinists, i.e., Presbyterians, during his lifetime. Maybe he’s been watching over me all these years?

Jesus’ mother had been a stumbling block for me. She has become a quiet friend, advocate and mother to me now. She doesn’t overshadow her son, as I was afraid, but she points the way to Him. She tells us, “Do exactly as He tells you.” Now that I am a mother, Mary is an important part of my life. How can I deny one whom Jesus must have loved most devotedly? As our family has grown over the years, and there have been days when I felt overwhelmed, I would sometimes get angry with the Blessed Mother, or those who would recommend I look to her for guidance. How could I look to her for advice? After all, she had only one child and He was perfect! But Mary gave me the example of humility, obedience and love I must try to give my children.

After 21 years as a Catholic, I’m still learning my faith and I still struggle to follow the Blessed Mother’s example. I often fail miserably. Our children are beginning to venture into the adult world and I pray they make wise decisions and listen to God’s plan for their lives. Most of all, I pray we may finish the race and spend eternity together in heaven.

Today is the Feast of St. Francis de Sales

Today is a special day. Not only did my #4 daughter receive a full tuition scholarship offer from one of her top choice colleges today, it is also the 21st anniversary of my being received into the Catholic Church.

Coincidentally, (or perhaps Providentially), it is also the feast of St. Francis de Sales, patron saint of writers.

The college that made the scholarship offer is De Sales University.

St. Francis de Sales was named bishop of Geneva in 1602, and worked tirelessly for the conversion of souls, particularly those who had become Calvinists. He is credited with converting many of the population to the Catholic faith.

The first church I ever attended (that I have memory of), was a Presbyterian church. I still have the Bible I received from them when I was 9 years old and for many years I read it and prayed to God to show me the way.

On January 24, 1988, my first child was baptized and I was also received into the Catholic Church. I can't help but think St. Francis de Sales must've been praying for me.