Debbie Creatures

Debbie Reynolds (aka Lilith 'Lily' Prescott) was the reason my mother named me Debbie. I've met a few other Debbies my age who tell me similar stories.

Last summer, my namesake came to the Arvada Center for an outdoor concert, so I booked tickets and invited my mom and mother-in-law to join me with requisite spouses. Turns out I was the only one eager to see Debbie Reynolds. She still looks amazing at 77 and puts on a rather ribald show, poking fun at her ex-husband, Eddie Fisher, but also at herself.

But I digress...

The term "Debbie Creature" was actually coined by an elderly relative of mine (whose name will not be mentioned to protect me from harm).

I used to find it offensive, but have since learned that once a person reaches a certain age, they can say whatever they damn well please and you'd better just smile and put up with it. Debbie Reynolds can verify that for me.

For example, when I was expecting my fourth child (and looking pretty darned good, thank you very much...wasn't even in maternity clothes at my fourth month of pregnancy!) I was at my sister's wedding with my husband and three small children (ages 3 1/2, 2 1/2 and 1). My grandmother shouted from across the large, open room, "HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE?!"

I answered with a dry mouth and short, clipped words, "Twelve, I think."

That shut her up for the rest of the evening.

Anyways, back to Debbie Creatures.

My PhD friend with the nine kids, otherwise known to the blogging world as The Philosopher-Mom, alerted me to the story of one of the current Survivor castaways...Debbie Beebe.

She's your typical Debbie...blonde, gorgeous, fit...not tall though. Her bio says 5'2". Should be taller to really qualify for a true "Debbie Creature."

Special thanks to the Philosopher-Mom for NOT suggesting ME to the casting agent. She did that once before, you know. It was 1993 and I had just had my 5th baby. The Maury Povich Show was looking for real-living parents who actually thought having children was a good idea. They had to call someone in the state of Virginia 'cause they evidently couldn't find any in New York. They already had a bunch of folks who were "childfree by choice," from New York. In fact, that was the name of the episode, "Childfree by Choice." My husband and I were dimwitted enough...Okay, maybe I should re-phrase that...I was dimwitted enough to convince my husband that we would be great for the episode. I was certain we could convince the free world that parenting was wonderful and children were great and see how much fun we're having?

Anyways, PhD Mom didn't take the bait for either Maury Povich or Survivor. She knew enough to leave it to the Debbie Creatures.

Thanks, Kalynne!

Some things my grandchildren might like to know about me

Things I wanted to be when I grew up:

1. a penguin (I was only 4 or 5 at the time).

2. a Hawaiian (but my mom told me you actually had to be born one, which I found grossly unfair and totally against the attitude of the '70's which said women could be anything they wanted to be...I was about 6 or 7)

3. a nurse

4. a teacher

5. a U.S. Naval Officer

6. an astronaut

7. a writer

Things I have done:

1. I wore combat boots--on several occasions--most notably for a week during the summer of 1984, when, as a second-class midshipman, we had our U.S. Marine Corps indoctrination introduction. I also got to fire an M-16, a grenade launcher, and a machine gun; sit in the co-pilot seat of a helicopter (sorry, I can't remember what kind...but it had a distinctly Vietnam sort of feel as we flew low over the trees of northern Virginia), and paint my face with camo-green grease paint. After a night of war games in the woods of Virginia, we came back to the barracks and picked the ticks off. There were hundreds. Yes, hundreds.

2. Flew upside-down in a T-2 in Pensacola, Florida. Decided I didn't want to fly for a living.

3. Sailed on a 98-foot yacht from Annapolis, Maryland, to Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and visited several ports of call, including New York City. While underway, in heavy seas, with 95% of the crew seasick, we had a fire at sea.

4. Sang back-up for Donna Summer (with the U.S. Naval Academy Women's Glee Club) at Pres. Reagan's 1985 Inaugaration Gala. Backstage, Lou Rawls told us, "Ya'll sounded real good;" Crystal Gale told us we looked "pretty" in our formal dinner dress uniforms; and Dean Martin winked at me. (Okay, I admit he winked at a lot of young ladies that evening). Oh, and Frank Sinatra sang with a glass of scotch in his hand and Tom Selleck was holding hands with his lady friend while all of us gals were desperately trying to catch his eye.

5. Shook President Ronald Reagan's hand when I received my Baccalaureate degree, May 1985.

6. I met Diego Maradona when I lived in Naples, Italy.

7. I have been mistaken for a prostitute. (In Naples, Italy).

8. Although I've never been arrested, I did have a police officer shine a flashlight in my face once and say, "You look familiar. Have you ever been arrested?"

9. My dh and I appeared on the Maury Povich show. (When Philosopher-Mom was deemed too smart, she gave them my name, I was phone-interviewed and deemed ditsy enough for the show). The topic of the show was, "Childfree by Choice," and we were the freaks with FIVE children! (Addendum: Also on the show was, Ben Wattenberg, who displayed great class in congratulating us on our five kids and he inscribed a copy of his book, The Birth Dearth, to us: "To Debbie and Joe...who are doing their part...with high regard, Ben Wattenberg, NY/NY 11/93.")

10. I once considered changing my name to "Aurora Borealis." *

Things I have eaten:

1. rattlesnake

2. Rocky Mountain oysters

3. alligator

4. frog legs

5. horse

Jobs I have actually had:

1. Youth Conservation Corps youth worker--2 summers

2. midshipman

3. 45 caliber pistol instructor

4. communications watch officer

5. telephone officer (liason with the Italian telephone company)

6. celebration of the bicentennial of the US Constitution coordinator

7. security officer

8. crisis pregnancy volunteer

9. Girl Scout leader

10. homeschool mom

* O.K. Not really. That one was supposed to be a joke. But I do think it's a pretty cool name.