While my nagging, haranguing, and public humiliation apparently had no effect on my son, the "care package" which I lovingly hand-crafted and filled with special items like 2-for-1 after-Christmas-special broken candy canes and discarded McDonald toys that I stole from my little ones, and a couple pairs of hiking socks that my daughter no longer wanted, apparently had the desired effect. He called me while I was sitting in the dentist's chair getting my teeth cleaned. (Now, isn't that a thoughtful son?) Obviously, I had turned my phone to vibrate, so while the technician was scraping away at my teeth, I had the sensation of a whoopy cushion going off in my pocket. He left me a sweet voice mail (which I have yet to erase, due to it's eloquent and loving tone). It goes something like this:
(heavy sigh) "Oh, hi, Mom. It's me. I got the care package you sent and I wanted you to know that I felt so guilty that I started writing that essay you wanted me to write. I only got half-way though because I'm going to Mass now. Bye."
See? If you can't humiliate them to make them do what you want them to do then just BRIBE them!