Via Media

Via Media, or "the middle way," refers to the idea of avoiding the extreme; it is also defined as "a mean between two extremes."

Do most Americans have moderate views? Are most Americans content to be left alone to live their lives without too much government interference? I think so.

I suspect most of us would define ourselves as "moderate." I consider myself an extremely moderate person, yet I know many folks would disagree and call me a "pro-life, pro-chastity, home-birthing, breastfeeding, organic gardening Catholic homeschooling mother of ten." But I don't see these things as extreme. In fact, I see them as an extremely moderate way of living.

Here's why:

Pro-life: Justice Blackmun, writing for the majority in the 1973 Supreme Court decision, Roe vs. Wade, said: "We need not resolve the difficult question of when life begins. When those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy, and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate as to the answer."

If it is true (which I don't believe it is), that science can not determine when life begins (or agree with philosophy and theology...not that the Supreme Court really cares what philosophers and theologians have to say), then preference should be given to the possibility of life being present. For if we are truly moderate, we would say, "preserve life if it is present, and do not destroy it if there is any doubt."

Pro-chastity: Premarital and extra-marital sex have spawned a catastrophic increase in STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), a surge in unwed motherhood and increasing divorce rates. The chief criticism of chastity education is, "It doesn't work." Perhaps it is not that chastity itself "doesn't work," but that it is difficult. It is also difficult to run a marathon, yet look at the number of people who do that every year; or to lose one hundred pounds, but look at the hit show The Biggest Loser and see how we applaud folks who do that. To rephrase a G.K. Chesterton quote: "Chastity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."

Homebirth: Less invasive, more natural, fewer post-natal problems. Obviously it's not for high-risk pregnancies, but for most low-risk births, it is a cost-saving and very pleasant alternative to hospital births.

Breastfeeding: Natural, good for baby, good for mom, what's not to like? Okay, stupid comments from uninformed people; otherwise, a very "moderate" way to feed the baby.

Organic gardening: We compost most of our kitchen waste, which makes a great additive to our clay soil. For the past few years I've been trying to get away from hybrid species and plant solely heirloom varieties. It's not only fun and educational, but it helps preserve rare species which are disappearing at an alarming rate due to large-scale production farming.

Catholic: The word "catholic" means "universal" and the early Christian Church adopted this term to show the universality of the Church that was planting seeds throughout the world. We don't have suicide bombers and we try to practice the teachings of our founder, who said some pretty extreme things like "Love your neighbor as yourself." He also died for the sins of others. Okay, maybe that does make me a little on the extreme side, but I haven't perfected any of those things yet, so I can still be called "moderate."

Homeschooling: The passing down of information from one generation to the next has been the way of education since the dawn of time. We're just a little more organized these days.

Mom of ten: Maybe by today's standards that's extreme, but the real reason I have so many kids is because I need them to keep me on the straight and narrow. There's no telling what trouble I might be getting myself into if I wasn't running after them. One thing I have noticed with having ten kids is that love doesn't diminish when your family grows. Love only grows. The thing we notice when someone is gone is how quiet and empty the house feels.

Let's hear it for radical moderation! Believe to the extreme. Hope to the extreme. Love to the extreme.

Love is the ultimate via media.

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

Is Christmas over already?

This is the gingerbread house I made for Lizzy's 18th birthday. She spent her birthday 1700 miles away from home at college studying for finals. I've made her a gingerbread house every year for her birthday since she was born. She tells me it made it to Pennsylvania intact.

Thus began our epic December, with five family birthdays, Advent and Christmas to celebrate, as well as getting our eldest graduated from college and the three college students returning home for the holidays.

Maria graduated from the University of Northern Colorado (the other UNC) on December 12th, Summa Cum Laude (is that right, Maria?) with a degree in Physics. Even though she took a ninth semester to finish up her degree, she still managed to graduate at age 21 in 2009.

Yay, Maria! We are so proud of you!

She is now waiting to hear back from five different grad schools where she has applied to study Medical Physics. Her first choice? MIT.

(Note to homeschool skeptics: Maria would be the first to tell you that she didn't get all her smarts from her mom, but through perseverance, hard work and motivation. She also got some from her dad. Okay, she got a lot of smarts from her dad. When she was born he told everyone, "Let's hope she gets her looks from her mom and her brains from her dad." I didn't think it was a compliment then, nor do I now, but I'm glad she didn't get her looks from her dad. Oh, did I say that? Anyway, I'm not sure at what point, we homeschooled parents are permitted to declare victory, but I think #1 has done a pretty awesome job of her life so far and we are very proud of her.)

We finally had everyone home together as of December 19th, at 7 pm, when Lizzy's flight arrived (sans her luggage) and we could all hug and kiss one another again. The last time we'd all been together was the Sunday before Memorial Day weekend. Such times come fewer and farther between as your kids grow up and move away. Hug them close while they're little!

This is our attempt at a family photo. It's extremely difficult to get 12 people and 2 dogs to sit still and keep their eyes opened. I really wanted to try another day, but we were never able to pull it together. Oh, well. Thus it becomes our family photo for Christmas 2009.

Now they sit still.
On the 21st of December we loaded everyone up into 2 cars (okay, one monster van and one station wagon), with 2 dogs, food for 13 people (Maria's beau came with us), food for 2 dogs, winter clothes, including ski pants, ski parkas, ski gloves, goggles/sunglasses, long underwear, warm socks and boots, 2 cots, 2 sleeping bags, extra blankets, towels, cookware, sleds, Christmas presents and Christmas decorations, laptop computers, games, craft supplies, Christmas cookie baking supplies, wine, beer and eggnog and departed for the beautiful Colorado Rocky Mountains. Our destination was Snow Mountain Ranch, the YMCA of the Rockies retreat center near Winter Park.

Let me tell you, it was so worth it. Despite the agony of hauling all that junk up to the mountains (after all, we had yet another birthday plus Christmas to celebrate), it was worth it. We practically had the place to ourselves, as most people, evidently, like to come the week after Christmas.

Our first day there, the kids got to go sledding with Santa. Yes, Santa. It was beautifully sunny and the sledding hill was awesome. (Even mom tried it a few times. What a rush!)

Other days were spent ice skating and cross-country skiing. I would have taken more pictures of the outdoor activities, but my camera actually froze at one point. Yes, it was quite cold. But we had a roaring fire in our cabin to look forward to each night, with a nice glass of wine. It was bliss.

Even the kids got into the spirit. At first, when we told them that we were going to spend Christmas in a cabin, they were upset. "It wouldn't seem like Christmas," they complained. I objected to hauling decorations and gifts up to the mountains. We had enough to haul with the dogs and the winter gear. But my kids persisted and I'm glad they did. The decorations made the cabin (and our attitudes) very festive. The kids did all the decorating. It was great!

On Christmas Eve, Santa came to our cabin bearing gifts. It was quite a sight! He had a big bag full of gifts for everyone. Later that evening, we went to the YMCA's candlelight service, as we found out there was no midnight Mass at the Catholic church. (It seems there is only one priest, but he has to say Mass at four locations over Christmas). We sang carols and listened to a sermon and stayed in our seats for the communion service. It looked like we must've been sitting in the Catholic section of the chapel because there was a whole row of folks who stayed in their seats. My husband went up to them afterwards and asked of they were Catholic. They were. So we told them about the Christmas day mass that would be held the next morning in Granby.


Christmas morning, we got up fairly early and went to Mass at Our Lady of the Snow Catholic Church in Granby.

We had such a marvelous time, everyone is in agreement: we should make this a family tradition.

Experts prove: Government should mandate all Americans have large families in order to fight global warming

This

The front page story (below the fold) of today's Wall Street Journal disturbed me greatly. I suppose I was naive to think that the government was going to do something with those old "clunkers" it proposes to take off the roads. Like recycle them or use them for spare parts.

Not so.

The engines of operable vehicles must be destroyed beyond repair per the government's requirement for car dealers wishing to take part in their "cash for clunkers" reimbursement plan.

Somehow, the government's reasoning goes, trading in an operable vehicle that gets 18 mpg for a new one that gets 26 mpg is better for the environment. It doesn't matter that we fill the landfills with thousands (or hundreds of thousands) of old vehicles that someone could still drive. We are reducing carbon emissions by taking them off the road and replacing them with more fuel efficient models.

Where are all the Green People? Why no outcry of injustice for the environment? Is it because we want our share of the government's benevolent handout?

My 9 year old son tried a similar tactic this morning. When told he couldn't play with his Game Boy anymore today and that his younger brothers would certain rat on him if he tried to hide in the closet to play, he tried offering them a chance to play his Game Boy. Good old fashioned bribery.

The government is bribing us to look the other way at its asinine programs.

And while I'm on the subject, what about those mercury-filled fluorescent light bulbs that are supposed to be so green? We're supposed to call the haz-mat folks if we break one and we're supposed to pay extra to dispose of them via hazardous waste. How many of us just toss them into the garbage with the rest of our trash?

Here's my proposal for reducing our carbon footprint: Everyone have at least a half-dozen kids and drive a big van. Don't buy cars for each kid. Let them ride a bike or walk if they have to go somewhere without you. Otherwise, drive everyone in the big van. One big van that gets 12 mpg (that's city driving) but transports 8 to 15 people is a heck of a lot more fuel efficient than 2 people driving their so-called Smart cars to the mall on Sunday to buy long-life light bulbs and organic dog food for their child-free-condo-with-pool-lifestyle.

Let's do the math, using my family as our sample set: Twelve people ride in a 15 passenger van to church on Sunday, taekwondo several times per week involving 8 of us, various homeschool activities (music, drama, etc.) throughout the week. Let's say we log 300 miles per week (a common occurrence). At 12 mpg, we use about 25 gallons per week. Here's the clincher: divide 25 gallons per week by 12 people and you get barely over 2 gallons PER PERSON per week.

Let's take 12 people driving Smart cars that get 33 mpg (city driving). Assume those 12 people share rides, so they use 6 cars. If they only travel a total of 300 miles, that's 50 miles per car, or 1.5 gallons per car per week. Multiply 1.5 gallons per car times 6 cars, means 9 gallons of gas used to transport those 12 Smart car owners a grand total of 300 miles.

That means 15 passenger vans are four and one-half times as fuel efficient as Smart cars! Just think about how fuel efficient they would be if we actually transported 15 people each week! My mind is reeling with the possibilities.

Perhaps the government should start by mandating each family have at least 8 children. The carbon footprints per person would be vastly decreased. And we could all sleep soundly at night knowing that we're doing our part to save the planet from global warming.

Not this

Happy Natural Family Planning Awareness Week!

I couldn't let this momentous week pass without wishing everyone a Happy Natural Family Planning Awareness Week! My goodness, how time flies when one is busy spreading the good cheer of large families, driving one's progeny hither and yon to various and sundry classes, events, museums, oral surgeons and grocery stores. (Just a brief glimpse into the joys of motherhood...)

To commemorate this week, I'd like to direct my dear readers to a pertinent article which proposes the rallying cry: "Use NFP: It Doesn't Work!"

Have a happy week and go out and be NFP aware.

Mea Culpa: my revised book review on the Duggars

The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families—How They Do It by Michelle Duggar

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
Here's my revised review:


I have to correct some of the things I wrote after my initial read of this book. I confess I found myself falling far short of the cheerful and organized family I was reading about in the book and I was a tinge jealous of their huge house and amazing children. I wrote: "Tiresome! I like to read books by and about large families...trying to get some ideas for a book I'd like to write someday. What I definitely want to avoid is the 'holier than thou' preaching I found throughout this book. I also want to try to avoid the 'I know everything because I'm a mom of (fill in the blank with however many kids Michelle Duggar has at the moment).'"

Okay, so maybe that was a bit harsh and judgmental...

After some examination of conscience, I felt I needed to apologize for that untrue remark. Michelle Duggar is not "holier than thou." Her only fault might be in her unadulterated cheerfulness at being one of the most unabashedly fecund mothers currently living on the planet.
I did take exception to a few of her comments, specifically the sidebar that quotes her saying that breastfeeding doesn't prevent you from getting pregnant. I believe she misunderstands the concept of breastfeeding on demand and breastfeeding for comfort as well as for food. This was the only way I found breastfeeding to accompany infertility. Since there are photos of her newborn with a pacifier in her mouth, Michelle Duggar obviously isn't breastfeeding her newborns for comfort, thus she isn't using breastfeeding to space her babies.

Michelle has certainly taken her share of criticism for her large brood and I don't want to add to that. She also has some good ideas for feeding many mouths. But I don't see the need for "industrial" sized everything. Most of us "normal" families with more than 2.1 kids don't have the money or the space for an industrial sized kitchen or laundry room and we have to make do with the normal sized kitchens and laundry rooms we have. Most of us don't have the 10,000 square foot home the Duggars have either. And most of us don't live in rural Arkansas, where we could afford to buy the land to build our 10,000 sq. ft dream home either! I love the Duggars, but I just wish they were a bit more like my family so I could relate to them better.

Still, I think I can learn a thing or two from Michelle Duggar, that is once I get over the fact that her husband is named "Jim Bob" and each of their 18 children has a name that also begins with "J"!

View all my reviews.

Just another day shopping with four kids

Yesterday morning while I was in the throes of frustration trying to teach JP to read--yes, even into my 18th year of homeschooling, I still find teaching reading one of the most frustrating things I have to do--I got a phone call from a homeschooling mom friend. She was calling to invite JP and DJ to her son's 7th birthday party, which is this afternoon.

"If you don't finish reading this, you're not going to the birthday party!" I told JP.

He finished reading the page in record time, then we had lunch and decided to head out to Target to look for a birthday present for his friend.

"Can I go too?" asked 11 year-old Bernadette. "I've finished my school work and I'm bored."

"Okay. As long as you don't ask for anything," I said. Famous last words.

"Me too!" said 9 year-old Paul.

"Promise me you won't ask for anything," I said, knowing full well that that's what 9 year-old boys do when you take them to Target.

"I promise!" he said.

And of course I had to bring both DJ and JP since it is their friend who's having the birthday and they had to be a part of selecting the present.

Since we were going to Target, I thought this would be a great time to look for some proper Easter clothes for the little boys since they'd either outgrown or destroyed everything they own. Just to make sure we didn't already own some nice sport coats that would fit them, we pulled out our entire selection of boys' sport coats. We had one that fit Paul nicely and one that fit JP nicely. "Great!" I said. "We'll look for one for DJ. And we'll find some new pants that fit and some shirts and ties."

So off we went to Target. Shopping for boys is WAAAYYY easier than shopping for girls. (See Twitter postings from last weekend, when I was trying to find Easter dresses for some of the girls). Navy blue blazer, navy blue trousers, blue buttoned-down shirts and sportive clip-on ties. Mission accomplished in less than 5 minutes.

On to the toy section and here's where it gets really fun. The boys immediately began asking for things:

"Bionicles! I just need one more to add to my set of 145!"

"Why can't I have this Star Wars Lego set? It's only $199.99?"

"But I really NEED this Super-Soaker Water Blaster Hydro-Sonic Extreme Fun Gun!"

Then Bernadette started in:

"Can you buy me a CD player? I really need one. And it's only $20."

"No. I thought you said you weren't going to ask for anything?"

"Yeah, but it's only $20 and I thought you were going to pay me for babysitting."

"I don't have any money right now."

"Then how come you're buying all this stuff?"

"Because this is stuff we need."

"But I need a CD player."

You kinda get the drift. This is how all my shopping trips with kids seem to go. It doesn't matter if I have one with me or half a dozen.

I finally picked out the present myself. A Nerf-blaster gun. I know this little boy. He's definitely a Nerf-blaster gun sort of kid. And they were on sale. And he doesn't have a dog who would inhale the Nerf balls like ours would.

Next, I needed to make a quick trip to the grocery store. I decided since it was St. Patrick's Day that I would make something special for dinner. No, not corned beef and cabbage. My husband, who is 1/4 Irish hates corned beef and cabbage. No, I decided I'd make something green for dinner and something green for desert. I made chicken enchiladas with green chile sauce and easy-peasy frozen limeade pie for desert. (The pie was a fave when I was a kid, but now as an adult, I think it's pretty ghastly. Still, it's green and the kids love it. And I even ate a piece last night!) To wash it all down, I bought some Guinness stout. Boy, was that good! And due to St. Paddy's Day, it was on sale.

Getting back to the shopping ordeal: the kids behavior was deteriorating rapidly in the grocery store as they realized that I wasn't buying the green frosted cookies, donuts or cakes. Nor was I buying any toys, movies, candy, chips or sodas. By the time we got to the check-out, I was ready to sell them all to some rich Arab. I decided to skip the line in the regular check-out and go to the self-service. It said "15 items or less," but, hey, who's counting?

I warned the kids, "Stand back and don't touch anything!"

"Can we ride the horses?" Paul asked.

"NO! Don't talk and don't touch. I'm tired of you asking for things. And stop touching things. Just hold onto the cart and don't MOVE!" I sneered.

Just then, an elderly gentleman walked up to me and said, "Are all these kids yours?"

I replied with a rather annoyed tone and a tense smile, "These are SOME of my kids." ("Now go away and leave me to my misery," I thought).

He walked away, only to return 30 seconds later. I was still trying to scan my groceries and keep the kids from "helping" me. He pulled out his wallet and said, "Here's something to help you out."

I looked at the 50-dollar bill he was trying to hand me and I felt horror-stricken that he would think I needed help.

I don't usually wear sweat pants and a t-shirt to the store, but I was wearing that yesterday and JP had ripped pants because they were the only green things he could find to put on that day. Was it because I looked so annoyed and frazzled at my kids? Or did I just look poor?

"Please," I said, "give it to someone who really needs it."

"Oh, no," he said. "I want you to have it."

I insisted, "That's very generous of you, but you should really give it to someone who needs it. But thank you very much for your kindness."

He finally put the money away and said, "It's the Lord's money. I'm just trying to help out."

"Wow, Mom," said Bernadette. "He thought we only had four kids! Imagine what he would've wanted to give us if he knew we had ten!"

"Oh, Mom!" said Paul, "you should've taken it! We could've bought the Special Edition Super-Duper Bionicle Goes to Mars Mind-Blaster!"

Now my kids are plotting how they could convince me to take all the kids to the grocery store so some nice elderly gentleman would give us lots of money.

Why You Should Consider Having Another Child

If you are in a stable marriage and are physically and mentally healthy, now is a great time to consider having another child.

Don't have a child to make someone love you. Have a child because you have love to give. When two people are married, they do things for each other. They carry around pictures of each other. They write love letters to each other. A child is a physical expression of that love that a married couple has for one another. It is a concrete way of saying, "I love you and I want part of you to continue to live and grow as a sign of our love for one another."

A child is also a sign of sacrifice. Why would otherwise sane people bring another child into this world of economic crisis and instability? Because love sacrifices. Love endures hardship. New life is a sign of hope in a world desperately in need of hope. Children are a sign of contradiction to the world of grown-ups which says, "Don't trust. Don't risk. Don't run with scissors."

Children do all this and more. They teach us how to ask questions. They teach us how to trust. They teach us how to love unconditionally.

My youngest, DJ, has neurofibromatosis (NF), which is an incurable genetic disorder that causes him to have benign tumors throughout is body. He has had two surgeries in his first 6 years of life to try to "debulk" some of the tumors which were pushing on his eye and causing vision problems. He also struggles with some learning difficulties, which may be a result of the NF, or it may be a result of being in foster care in Guatemala for the first two years of his life with very little stimulation. Nevertheless, he is the most loving and affectionate child I have. He is constantly saying things like, "I love you, Mom!" at the most unexpected times. He takes special care to help his Grandma when we're at Mass by holding her hand while they cross the street and opening the door for her. He teaches me things about love and kindness that I need to know, since many days I just feel like a grumpy old grown-up.

If you are comfortable with your life and feel your love and life are complete, now is a great time to consider having another child.

When we make room for "just one more," God sees our generosity and will reward us beyond our expectations. I have met so many older moms (and some dads) who were surprised by a new baby later in life, after they thought their families were complete. Often times, these unexpected pregnancies bring new fears of being an "old" parent, having a child with a disability, or being ill-prepared for midnight feedings when planning for early tee-times. Yet I have never heard any of these parents complain after the child is born. They seem to be renewed with youthful vigor and hope, and speak of their late-in-life child as a special gift from God. They speak of being a more relaxed and thoughtful parent. They appreciate each first event in this child's life with even greater joy than they did with their first born children, perhaps because they realize that these children will all too soon be grown and gone.

If you have ever thought about adoption, and have love to give, now is a great time to act.

There are always children in need of loving homes. Don't discount adoption because of the paperwork, the cost or the intrusive social-workers. There are real children in need of real homes and someone to love them unconditionally. Adoption surveys show that many people consider adoption at some point in their lives, but very few go through with it. If you are considering it, pray about it. Talk to someone you know who has adopted. Sign up for an adoption seminar. Read books about adoption. Offer your love to a child in need.

But I don't have a big enough house, or enough money, or enough time...

When we come to the end of our lives, we will look back on the time we were given and we will probably not be thinking of our house, bank accounts, cars or jobs. We will probably be thinking of those we love and asking ourselves, "Did we show them enough love? Did we give them enough of our time? Did we appreciate them?" Having "just one more" child helps us to think about the most important things in life by keeping us just a little bit uncomfortable. We can't give our kids everything they want. We give them the necessities, and try to give them some luxuries, but mostly they don't have a lot of "things." My kids don't have IPods, cell phones or their own cars (unless they buy it themselves). Until their roommate leaves for college, they haven't had their own room.

Having "just one more" mouth to feed, means fewer outings to restaurants; more meals at home. When we were first married, I enjoyed dining out a lot. We lived in Naples, Italy, and the food there is some of the best in the world. I couldn't replicate it at home. But my husband seemed to enjoy my cooking and encouraged me to cook for him at home. Now, of course, there's no question that we primarily eat at home. But family meal times are not just about putting food into our bodies, but also about spending time with each other. This is the most important part of family meal time.

Having "just one more" person in your family may mean fewer expensive vacations; more family outings close to home. We've been very blessed in that we've had the chance to travel with the kids to some pretty exotic locations. But the things the little ones always remember about vacations are things like feeding the pigeons, walking on the beach, building sand castles, sleeping in a tent; things that don't generally cost a lot of money. Teenagers may think they need the European vacation or the cruise ship to the Caribbean, but after they leave home the things they seem to miss are bike rides with the family and ice cream at Dairy Queen.

Isn't there room for one more in your family?

Permissive Parenting

Just a few blocks from my home, a 15 year-old boy died yesterday from injuries sustained when he was run over by his friend's car after a skitching accident.

"Skitching" is the term skateboarders use to describe riding a skateboard while holding on to a moving vehicle. This is the second time in 4 months that a local teenager has been killed doing this.

The boy wasn't wearing a helmet.

His friend driving the car was 16 years old.

The accident occurred in an affluent neighborhood, around 1 pm on Wednesday.

The questions that immediately come to my mind (besides the obvious, "Why didn't some adult intervene and what the hell were they thinking?") are:

--Why wasn't the kid wearing a helmet?
--What was a 16 year-old doing driving a car?
--Why weren't they in school?
--Where were the parents when all this was going on?

I know many good parents who don't consider themselves permissive, but they don't make their kids wear helmets when riding bikes, skateboards, scooters or roller blades. I'm the "mean" mom who makes her kids wear the dorky helmet or they don't ride. After breaking my nose last summer when I went over my handlebars, I'm even MORE convinced of the need to wear a helmet.

I know many good parents who believe it's a right of passage to get a driver's license at 16. Parents of large families will often justify paying for the kids' insurance because it helps having another driver in the family to transport siblings to activities or to run errands for mom. I'm the "mean" mom who says driving is an adult privilege, not a right, and you can get your license as soon as you are able to pay for the insurance, gas and upkeep of the vehicle. So far, only my 21 year-old has a license. People think we're "weird," but everytime I hear of a death involving a teenage driver, I thank God we haven't given into peer pressure from our well-meaning Catholic homeschooling friends.

The kids were both students at the local Ralston Valley High School, which has a variable schedule, so it's possible they weren't supposed to be in school. But it seems strange to me that, when I go out in public, to the doctor's office, to the grocery store, or whatever, and my school-age kids are with me, I often get asked, "Are they off from school today?" I'm the "mean" mom that won't let my kids go bike-riding far from home during school hours, in case someone thinks they're truant.

Most of the large houses in the Arvada neighborhood where the accident occurred are empty during the day. I know because for 3 years, my daughter had a paper route in that neighborhood and I would accompany her for a weekly 3 mile walk. We rarely, if ever, saw any adults in the neighborhood during the day. The kids rule the roost when mom and dad both work in order to pay for the palacial digs they think the kids need.

It just makes me sad to think of the kids whose permissive parents have contributed to their demise.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord.

Life with Ten Kids: Am I Crazy, or What?

Why would anyone have ten kids in today's world? Prices are skyrocketing, cities are crowded and raising kids is fraught with peril. People are astonished when I tell them I have ten kids. I often hear, "You must be crazy," or, "You must be rich," or, "You must be a saint." I thoroughly acknowledge my lack of sanity. I sometimes feel rich, (in love, that is). I rarely, if ever, feel like a saint.

You have to be a bit crazy to have a family numbering in the double digits, requiring a minimum of two hotel rooms when traveling, and always needing additional pages when filling out forms that list household members.

When maneuvering my 15-passenger van through the McDonald's drive-through one day, the woman handing me my happy meals commented, "That's a big van."

I replied, "Mini-vans are for wimps."

I didn't intend to offend. It was supposed to be funny, but she retorted, "I drive a mini-van."

Oops.

As for feeling rich, every time I pay the mortgage bill, I tell my husband, "We get to live in the house for another month!" He doesn't appreciate hearing that, but I feel a sense of accomplishment each month when I mail the check.

When I was a little girl, I used to love visiting Grandmother in Paducah, Kentucky. She was rich. She had silver candlestick holders. She would laugh at me when I told my friends she was rich. When I grew up and saw with adult eyes the tiny house she and Grandfather lived in their entire married life, I understood why she laughed. But she was still rich in my mind.

Christmas morning at our house means Mass, followed by breakfast and opening presents. The younger kids get tremendous joy from wrapping their old toys and recycling them as gifts to other family members. The older kids get somewhat annoyed at this, ("Hey, I gave you that last year!"), but, they're pretty good sports for the most part.

Birthdays at our house mean twelve voices singing, "Happy Birthday to You," at fever-pitch until the dishes in the china cabinet rattle. If we were smarter, we'd have spread out the birthdays so we had one a month, but our anniversary is in March, and we now have five birthdays in December. December is one big party at our house.

After our eighth child was born, we took a job in England. There is nothing like being an American in another country to make you feel rich. We began to think seriously about adding to our family through adoption. I felt like the richest woman in town when my husband said he was willing to adopt one, then two more children.

When people tell me, "You must be rich," I smile and nod, with a wink at the kids. I feel rich.

As for being a saint-certainly not. I know more than anyone (except, perhaps my kids), how little patience I have, how many mistakes I make, and how often I fail at being a good parent. The great thing about having ten kids is they're teaching me patience and they're teaching me how to be a good parent because they give me so many opportunities to practice.

And one of the best perks of having so many kids is that if one, two, or even three of them are mad at me at any given moment, I still have at least a 70% approval rating. Maybe I am a saint after all.