Speed Dating or Courtship?

Have you heard of "speed dating"? According to Mr. Wikipedia (whoever he is!), "speed dating" originated with "...Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish Ha Torah, originally as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry." Supposedly it's been around since 1998, and made a huge splash when it was featured on "Sex and the City."

If you're not up to speed on this latest dating fad, don't feel bad. I've only recently heard about it, but I assumed it was for promiscuous work-aholics who didn't have time to develop real relationships or have anything other than a power lunch.

So, imagine my surprise when I heard my daughter's Newman Guide school's Catholic Campus Ministry was sponsoring a speed dating event.

I sure hope nobody takes it seriously, because for the life of me I can't figure out how chaste Christian courtship has anything to do with speed dating.

I think back on my very first date with the man who has been my husband for the past 22+ years. We sat at our table in an Italian restaurant (in Italy!) lost in conversation, staring into each other's eyes. We were barely aware of our surroundings, or that our waiter kept returning to fill our water glasses and ask us if we wanted anything else. The other tables had been stripped of tablecloths, silverware and glasses and the staff must've been eager to get home that night, but they let us sit there, lost in each other's gaze. It wasn't until we finally got up to go home that I realized the place was empty except for us, the waiter and the cook. They smiled knowingly at each other as we left the restaurant that night.

Keep your speed dating, I'll take mine nice and slow.

When vulgarity masquerades as poetry

I've been in a quandry lately and I couldn't quite figure out how to express it in my blog without bringing discredit to others.

I was in a quandry at least until I read this blog today.

In her Conversion Diary blog, Jennifer Fulwiler reminds Christian bloggers to take heed the advice of St. Francis de Sales. In his book, Finding God's Will for You, St. Francis, tells us "...those who follow...hellish suggestions in the belief that they are heavenly inspirations can usually be recognized because they are unsettled, headstrong, haughty, and ready to undertake or meddle in affairs. Under the pretext of zeal, they subvert everything, criticize everyone, rebuke everyone, and find fault with everything. They are men without self-control and without consideration, who put up with nothing. In the name of zeal for God's honor, they indulge in the passions of self-love."

You see, my daughter attends a university named for St. Francis de Sales. She had an unfortunate experience recently, in that she attended a poetry reading on campus featuring a vulgar "poet" who goes by the moniker Oveous Maximus and whose rap lyrics were full of graphic sexual images. I wanted to scream out to the rooftops and tell the world just what I thought of Mr. Maximus and the University that brought him there to pollute the minds of their students. But St. Francis de Sales' words cautioned me to slow down, take a deep breath and think about the effect my words may have on others. As one who considers herself a Christian blogger, I need to consider every word I write so as not to take myself too seriously or assume all my words are "heavenly inspirations." Yet I am still a fiercely loyal mother and I can be pretty scary when I get my ire up. Consider yourselves forewarned.

In this digital information age I was able to view his poetry on youtube. Surprisingly, he has also has some good poems, like "Dulce de Leche," which exhalt the dignity of womanhood. In fact, he tells one audience the reason he chose the name Oveous Maximus was to do precisely that: Oveous coming from the Latin ovum, which celebrates the life-giving role of woman. Maximus elevates the role of woman to near god-hood, or so he says.

Yet one particular poem that upset my daughter was titled, "Letter to My Future Ex-Girlfriend," and it begins similarly to "Dulce de Leche," but then it veers dramatically to the vulgar and begins to take a more violent rhythym while describing unsavory acts which he would like his girlfriend to perform on him.

My daughter's complaints to the Multicultural Office that sponsored the event have thus far been met with a condescending pat on the head, and "...how nice it is that you feel secure enough to express your opinions because that's what college is all about and yet we must remember that he has the right to express himself as well..." So, we are continuing our attempts to relay our displeasure to the University and to get them to recognize that Mr. Maximus is not the ideal role model for Catholic youth striving to be holy.

It wasn't until I was discussing this for the upteenth time with my husband last night that I realized there was some good in Mr. Maximus and I should recognize that when I write about him. However, a bit of dog poo in a batch of brownies can destroy the entire pan even if it's only a bit. And some of his stuff is, well...dog poo.

If you'd like to see an excerpt of my daughter's letter to the Mulitculturalistas, here it is.

Freshmen orientation at DeSales University

Day 1: all smiles upon arrival at DeSales University


We just arrived home in Colorado after dropping off our daughter to begin her freshman year at DeSales University.

She was able to move-in a few days before the regular move-in day because she signed up to attend a "pre-orientation service opportunity" with the campus center for social justice. They had about 30 or so kids who came early and a few peer mentors from the upper classes. The kids worked on a "Peace Garden" spreading mulch and pulling weeds. They also visited the elderly in an Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home, stocked a food pantry, and did some cleaning for different nursing homes and church-related charities. They also had some fun--movie night and mini-golf.
A lovely covered bridge over the Jordan River

While our daughter was doing her service projects, my husband and I took the opportunity to do some local sight-seeing. (The bus ride from Newark airport to the Allentown airport convinced us to avoid driving into NYC, as we had considered doing one day). We went on a covered bridge tour and did some wine tasting at two local wineries (one of which, Amore Winery , is owned by Dr. Greg Amore, who is a psychologist and head of counseling at DeSales). We also did some walking around historic Bethlehem, and a short hike at the Trexler Nature Preserve . Afterwards, we dined at the Schnecksville Diner. Their sign advertized: We make our own pies. They must've had at least two dozen different pies, but no pecan pie (my husband's favorite...I guess there really is a Mason-Dixon line!)

Wildlife spotted near the nature preserve

And we also spent a lovely day in Nazareth, home of the C.F. Martin Guitar Company, which we toured. (It's free!) And ate a lovely lunch across the parking lot from the factory, at a place the lady at the reception desk recommended. (Mivajo's Pizza; very good.)

All in all, we were very impressed with DeSales University and it's Catholic identity. However, it was rather disappointing to go to daily mass at the university and find there were only the three of us and one or two others in attendance. Once classes begin, the number of students attending daily mass goes up to about a dozen or so, but my daughter has already met some classmates who plan on going to daily mass together, so our hope is that the numbers will start to swell and they'll have to move out of the priests' house and into the regular chapel for daily mass. One of the priests who lives at DeSales is Fr. John Harvey, the founder of Courage . He can often be seen con-celebrating mass with one of the many Oblates of St. Francis de Sales who are in residence there.

Saturday evening was the opening mass and induction of the class of 2013. Father President Bernard O'Connor, OSFS, was the celebrant and he gave a wonderful homily about sacrificial love, service to God and others, and finding your true vocation. The field house was the site of the mass, which was attended by all 400 or so of the incoming freshmen, their families and faculty of DeSales. It was probably at least 90 degrees inside, but no mention was made of the air conditioning being broken, so I was left with the impression that they had no a/c in the field house. Despite the heat, the mass was beautiful and no one passed out.

The freshmen class was asked to stand and recite together their class pledge, which I will quote below:

As a member of the 45th class of DeSales University
I ask to be formed in the tradition of Christian Humanism,
As taught and promoted by this Salesian university.
I pledge to be an active part of my formation
Into the principled and thoughtful Christian Gentleman or Gentlewoman
That God has called me to be.

I seek to blend my love of knowledge with my love of God
And to continue to be open to the Mystery of Truth and Beauty,
I pledge to grow in the true strength a gentle character gives;
To pursue the good rather than to just avoid evil;
And to prepare myself to assume my unique vocation
As a mature believer, a responsible and global citizen,
And a co-creator of the Kingdom of God.

I pledge to be open to all learning,
Respectful of the God who is in me and in all others,
And to bear the good name of this university proudly
At all times and places.

I pledge to make a sincere effort
To understand myself more truthfully every day
So that I may, in turn, discern the movement of God in my life
And to treat others with the same dignity and compassion
As I should treat myself.

As I pledge my effort,
I ask for the support of family, classmates and friends,
The support and guidance of the University's Faculty and Staff
And, most of all, the support of my God.

May I grow in knowledge, wisdom and grace
So as to become the person I was created to be,
And to be that well,
For the good of others and the glory of God.

Fr. O'Connor mentioned the incoming freshman class had one member from India and "as far away as Colorado..." I think our daughter may be the only student west of the Mississippi in her class. We met many, many families who said they chose DeSales because other schools were "too far from home." The vast majority of the people we met were from an hour or two away. I hope this doesn't mean our daughter will be one of the few left in the dorms on the weekends! (Don't worry, Lizzy, I know you'll be a frequent guest at people's homes.)

Two icons leading the procession into the field house for the opening Mass

The spirit of St. Francis de Sales is evident throughout the university. In the mass procession on Saturday evening, the freshmen were preceded by two students carrying large icons of St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal. All the dorms are named after Oblates. One of the dorms is a new and beautiful building named for St. Leonie Aviat, one of the founders of the Oblate Sisters of St. Francis de Sales. We left a rather sad and homesick young lady at a school that is 1700 miles from home. We are confident she is in good hands, but we pray the school's Catholic identity is ignited by the Holy Spirit and that more faithful Catholic families send their kids there.

The freshman class of 2013: arrayed in their colored t-shirts for orientation

-->Late breaking update: Our Lizzy has since reported a huge increase in daily Mass attendance, as well as 25 or so students who showed up to pray the rosary outside an abortion clinic in Allentown this past Saturday. The pro-life student group is thrilled. Many of the students who came are new freshmen.

We love you, Lizzy!

Part 3 of our epic edu-tour: DeSales University

DeSales University is located about one hour north of Philadelphia, near Allentown and Bethlehem. DeSales is a relatively young university; the first freshman class started in September, 1965. The university is operated by the Oblates of St. Francis DeSales, and the atmosphere on campus reflects the low-key, laid-back spirituality of the Salesians. There are about 1500 undergrads, 70% of whom live on campus and it seemed to us the vast majority of students come from within an hour or two away. I don't have statistics for what percentage of the students are Catholic, but it seems to be a much lower percentage than either Benedictine or Franciscan. However, the faculty and administration seems totally committed to their Catholic identity, as their website testifies. I particularly like this quote, from Pope John Paul II's Ex corde Ecclesiae, 1990:

In the world today, characterized by such rapid developments in science and technology, the tasks of a Catholic University assume an ever greater importance and urgency. Scientific and technological discoveries create an enormous economic and industrial growth, but they also inescapably require the correspondingly necessary search for meaning in order to guarantee that the new discoveries be used for the authentic good of individuals and of human society as a whole. If it is the responsibility of every University to search for such meaning, a Catholic University is called in a particular way to respond to this need: its Christian inspiration enables it to include the moral, spiritual and religious dimension in its research, and to evaluate the attainments of science and technology in the perspective of the totality of the human person [Ex corde Ecclesiae, no.7].

The university seems to be implementing this idea through not only class instruction, but also in bringing outside speakers to the campus to speak on topics related to science, technology, ethics and religion through their Salesian Center for Faith and Culture.

Since Lizzy had already received an offer of a full tuition scholarship from DeSales, it was with great anticipation that we found ourselves driving to DeSales early one February morning. Driving in eastern Pennsylvania poses serious challenges for a gal from Colorado. We had the MapQuest directions from the hotel to the college, which we followed, but I found out later that it took us down an older, country road, rather than the main road to the college. I kept thinking we must be going the wrong way especially when we came to the one-lane bridge. Fortunately, we soon literally came “out of the woods,” to the lovely campus of DeSales.
View of the field house from the chapel

We didn't know anyone at DeSales, and didn't know anyone who had gone there. A friend put me in touch with her best friend, who had two kids graduate from DeSales, plus I spoke to another Catholic homeschooling mom who has a son there, and emailed another mom who has a daughter there. Their reports were that it was a faithfully Catholic school, albeit without a lot of vibrant Catholic student life. Most of the students who attend seem to come from the surrounding area (as in, within an hour or two away), and many of the students who attend DeSales aren't Catholic. Nevertheless, the school seems to have maintained its Catholic identity and integrity while catering to a mostly non-Catholic population.

We had an appointment to meet with Admissions first thing in the morning and they would take us to a class and give us a tour. It turned out that there wasn’t room for me in the class, so an admissions counselor escorted Lizzy to her first class, which was Molecular Cell Biology, taught by Prof. T. Catalone. She thought it was a "fascinating" class. (Good thing she wants to be a Physician's Assistant, eh?)

I walked around the campus and found the library, hoping to find a computer to check my email. I found the library, but couldn’t find any available computers that were online, so I went over to the new student center. There I found a bank of computers that were completely unused, and available to surf the ’net. In this cozy lounge area was a gas-log fireplace, with a warm fire blazing and some comfy chairs. I was able to relax and knit a bit after checking my email for the first time since I’d been on the road.

After Lizzy’s class, we met back at admissions and two students were there to give us a tour. One of the students was a PA major and the other was a criminal justice major. They were both from Pennsylvania, but sounded to me like they were from New Jersey. They were both very friendly and bantered good-naturedly about the security on campus and the 15 priests who lived there and frequently interacted with students. They said one often sees the president, Fr.O'Connor, and he knew most kids’ names. As for security on campus, one of our tour guides said that DeSales was ranked #4 for safe campuses, but he wasn’t sure what campuses were the safest, though he figured the service academies must be high on the list. (I laughed and told him that I had gone to the Naval Academy.)

They took us into a dorm to show us a “typical” dorm room. We passed by a uniformed security guard at the front desk, whom they waved to. I’m guessing having uniformed guards in each of the dorms must contribute to the safety on campus, plus add to the cost of the dorm. The two male guides said we were going to see a girls’ room, so I asked if all the dorms were coed? They said, “No, they’re all segregated.” I said I wondered how they got a key to the girls’ dorm. They laughed and slapped each other a high five. They explained that this was just a “display” room and the tour guides took people to see this typical room. It looked pretty messy to me, so I expressed some disbelief that this wasn’t really someone’s room. They said, “No, this is really a display room. It’s really much cleaner than any real room you’d see.” I reminded them of where I went to school. Our real rooms were actually cleaner than the display rooms.

All the dorm rooms have shared bathrooms with showers and toilets. I believe sinks were in the room, but I can’t remember for sure. They said that the showers and toilets are cleaned by a cleaning service once a week. The bathrooms are shared between two rooms, each holding four gals (or guys, as the case may be). It looks like a very comfortable set-up. Most buildings are wireless, but some of the older dorms may not have connectivity in all the rooms, so Ethernet ports are available in all the rooms.

There are apartment-like dorms available for upperclassmen, but these don’t have kitchens, so even the upperclass must use the cafeteria for most of their meals.

Speaking of meals, we dined in the cafeteria several times and found the food was good, but simple. All students have meal cards, but the set-up is different from most colleges we’ve visited. All breakfast and lunch items are charged per item, so salads, soups, ice creams, etc. are weighed and all drinks, cups, etc. are charged. Dinners are one price for all you can eat, so most students eat a hearty dinner, but go light or skip breakfast and/or lunch. Some students may take an extra piece of fruit with their dinner to eat for breakfast the next day. It sounded like a stupid way of doing things to me, because it discourages students from eating breakfast or lunch.

View of the new student center, which houses the cafeteria and the campus bookstore

We had lunch with two other PA students. One was a junior and the other a sophomore. The junior was a gal from Pennsylvania who is very active in the Catholic campus ministry there and mentors for their mandatory freshman program called Character U. She also is part of a new “discernment” dorm that puts students together who are discerning either a religious vocation or another other call to serve the Church as a layperson. The students have a priest and a nun who live with them and they pray morning and evening prayers together and often attend daily Mass together (only one, in the evenings at 5:15) each day. I believe the men and women in discernment are on separate floors or wings of the dorm, which is connected to the main chapel and the adoration chapel, which is only open on Fridays.

After lunch, Lizzy had a Catholic Theology class with Prof. M. Hearden. She thought the class was meant to be a discussion on the book of Isaiah, but since it was a Monday, it seemed to be more of a lecture. The professor highlighted some of the passages from Isaiah (Is. 7:14) that prophesy Christ’s birth. Lizzy thought it was unusual that no one in the class seemed to recognize this as the passage in Matthew 1:23, which quotes Isaiah.

While she was in the theology class, I walked up the hill to visit the main chapel. It is typical ’60’s architecture (what WERE they thinking?) It reminds me of some of the military chapels I’ve seen. Only Sunday masses are said here, and there are only two: 12:30 and 8:30 pm. The reason there are no vigil masses or Sunday morning masses is because each of the 15 priests who live on campus are also responsible for saying masses at nearby parishes, so they are all gone on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings.

The main chapel

After Lizzy’s class, we met with admissions some more and got to tour some more buildings. I asked about the Catholic campus ministry particularly because one of the PA students recommended we talk with the gal who heads it up, Maggie Riggins. Her office is in the old student center, which seems nearly abandoned now, but still contains the mailboxes for all the students, and a hangout (called the Dog Pound) for students to play air hockey or watch a big screen TV. She also introduced us to the head of the social outreach ministry, Jaime Gerhart, who organizes a lot of activities for students, from works of mercy such visiting nursing homes, to taking students to the March for Life (they had 36 attend this year…there would have been more but many of the PA students I talked to had to attend class), tutoring local high school kids and trips to New York City to see Broadway shows.

We also saw the Labuda Center for the Performing Arts, a state of the art theater with dance and television studios. DeSales is very proud of both its highly successful PA program as well as its film and theater school.

We hung around the student center for a couple more hours to wait for evening Mass. Daily Masses are held in Wills Hall, which is also the residence for the 15 priests who live on campus. The chapel is very ’60’s, small and awkwardly shaped. The new chapel they plan to build is also an awkward shape…a rectangle, with the altar along one of the long sides. This chapel is sort of round, like Wills Hall, with a triangular raised platform that one has to avoid tripping on when going up for communion. Students provided music for both evening Masses we attended and it was very well done. All the students were reverential and there was no handholding, clapping or talking in the chapel after Mass. In the vestibule after Mass, we had many students and some priests come up and talk to us to ask where we were from and how we liked DeSales. One elderly priest, upon hearing we were from Colorado, said how fortunate we were to have such a wonderful Archbishop as Chaput, and that he was reading his book, Render Unto Caesar. One of the students said to me, “Isn’t there a great Catholic university in Denver?”

I said, “Uh, there’s a Jesuit university named Regis.”

She said, “Nope, that’s not it. It’s for grad school.”

I said, “Oh! You mean the Augustine Institute?”

She said, “Yes! One of my friends is there!”

I take all this as a sign that DeSales is on the right track.

The next morning we had some free time before Lizzy's interview witht the head of the PA department so we decided to stroll around historic old Bethlehem. It reminded me of Fredericksburg, Virginia, where we once lived, without the damage inflicted by the civil war. In fact, Bethlehem dates from before the Revolutionary War and seems to have escaped damage from either war. There are some lovely buildings dating from 1742, when the persecuted Protestant sect of Moravians came to settle this town and start a college.

Outside the Inn at Bethlehem (we didn't stay there...not sure if there was any room.)

Moravian building, circa 1742, Bethlehem, PA

Lizzy's interview was at 1 pm, so we headed to DeSales for lunch in the cafeteria before her interview. I walked her to the office just before her scheduled interview and dropped her off. This is what it looked like:

Anti-climatic climactic? Entrance to the Physician Assistant's Program Office

Evidently, the interview went really well, because just a few days ago she got a letter from Christine Bruce, the head of the PA department inviting her to be a part of the program. The letter was dated the same day as her interview!

Overall, Lizzy was very impressed with the campus. It was quiet, which suits her just fine. The academics are the primary interest to her. She said she would just have to invite other students to go to Mass with her.

One last item of interest: Christine Bruce told Lizzy that her husband's 5th grade religion teacher was now the president of Franciscan University...

This just in...

Lizzy just got an acceptance letter from the DeSales University Physician Assistants Program!

Part 1: Introduction to our epic journey to visit 3 colleges in 3 states over 9 days

Introduction: Or why we would spend 9 days visiting 3 colleges in 3 states.

My daughter, Lizzy, (not her real name), is a senior in high school. She's been home schooled her entire life, but has taken some classes outside the home for the past 5 years. She's an excellent student, and has done very well in all her classes and on her college entrance exams, taking both the ACT and the SAT. As a result, she was invited to attend scholarship competitions at both Benedictine College (BC) and Franciscan University of Steubenville (FUS). The competitions were spaced a week apart; the first two weekends of February. Our family had to decide whether or not it was worth the effort to attend one or both of the competitions. BC is much closer to home, but doesn't currently have the nursing program that she was interested in pursuing. FUS is further from home, typically has less financial aid than BC, but has an excellent nursing program.

In the meantime, around Thanksgiving time, we were re-reading the Newman Guide to Choosing a Catholic College for the upteenth time, when we noticed the note in the back about DeSales University having an excellent 5-year Physician Assistant's program. Lizzy completed the online application on December 1st, which was their deadline for priority consideration of scholarships. We figured it was a long shot, but worth investigating.

Fast forward to January 24, 2009 (the feast of St. Francis de Sales, by the way), and Lizzy received an offer of full tuition scholarship to DeSales University, which increased her interest exponentially.

By the time she received the offer from DeSales, we had already made plans to attend both scholarship weekends at BC and FUS. Since they were both fairly far away and there was only about 5 days between them, we decided to fill in the time in the middle visiting DeSales.

Sweet!

Lizzy came home from work today and opened her mail and found a sweet surprise from DeSales University: a full tuition scholarship offer!