Dear Diary,
I’m a bit nervous about my upcoming pre-natal visit at the
women’s health clinic. I know I shouldn’t be. My chance of having a baby with
any abnormalities is very low. I’m optimistic because even though I’ve
terminated pregnancies in the past, I believe the time is right for Sandy and
me. We’re now ready to be parents. And because we secured one of the first
maternity licenses in the newly expanded health care reform bill, this must be
a sign from Mother Earth that all the stars have aligned properly for this great
event. Even my horoscope this morning predicted everything would be positive for me!
So why am I nervous? Maybe it’s because I’ve heard stories
about the crazy anti-choice protesters who walk like zombies around the clinic
day after day. I REALLY don’t want to have to talk to any of them. They totally
creep me out with their constant chants and prayers and strange rituals. At
least the government is on our side. The new limits on extreme speech have
curtailed the numbers of kooks there at any given time. I’m so glad we have a
government that’s on the side of women’s health!
Okay, maybe the real reason I’m nervous is because I keep
thinking about my friend Marie, who was pregnant a few months ago. She went in
to the clinic for her first pre-natal visit and they did some sort of blood
tests on her and told her that her baby would be deformed and that she’d better
terminate the pregnancy soon. I still don’t know exactly what sort of tests
they’re doing now, but I’ve read that they’re super accurate and we’ve really
come a long way in being able to diagnose abnormalities before the pregnancy
starts making a real baby.
I know my tests will be all be normal because I really want
this baby and I know she (or maybe he?) is already a baby. After all, that’s
what I learned in my ethics class in college. If a woman wants to be pregnant,
then she is. If she decides it’s not a baby, then it’s not. All my other
pregnancies were at awkward times in my life…first it was trying to finish high
school, then once (or was it twice?) in college…then there was the summer
internship (oh, the fond memories!)…and the WRONG guy (ugh!) But now I know the
time is right. Sherry will be a great provider (she’s got a super fantastic job
as a medical records analyst working for the government) and she says she’s
ready to be a parent. So…this baby is going to be great for us. I’ve already
got the day care center picked out!
I’m just so thankful we have a government who actually cares
about women’s health and the health of our families! I shudder to think of what
could’ve happened if President Obama had been defeated when he ran for his
second term. Thank goodness those radical Catholic hospitals and colleges were
forced out of business! All they cared about was pushing their radical “no
birth control and no abortion” agenda on the rest of us. Can you imagine what
would’ve happened to women’s health if they had prevailed? No free
contraception. No free sterilizations. No free abortions. No free sperm
clinics. We’d probably be running out of food right now. Instead, the
government has assured us that we have at least another ten years or so of food
stores in the federal warehouses. But since the new parent licensing act has
been so successful in preventing overpopulation, we have plenty of food ration
cards to go around.
It’s also a really good thing that the preventive services
act has expanded to include preventing abnormalities in children and preventing
Alzheimer’s and other gross diseases in old people. Just think of all those old
folks homes that would be full of elderly if the government hadn’t stepped in
to prevent such tragedies.
To think it was only a few decades ago that people were
allowed to have four, five or six children! If it weren’t for the old pictures,
I wouldn’t have believed it. My friend, Marie, tells me her mom was one of ten.
TEN??? That’s just so gross. I’ve heard there are still some large families in
existence, but thanks to the new child tax, those overpopulating kooks will be
taxed out of existence soon. Of course, if they want to continue violating the
laws, they can pay their fines. That’s fine with me. (lol!) My future kid’s
school can use the extra money!
